i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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