before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
