also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
