Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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