I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
