You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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