I have demons in me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
