chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
