Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
