Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
