"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
