hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
