dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
someone owes me an orgasm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
pray to the hookup gods
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
