I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
