It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
