he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
