I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to calm my uterus...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
