Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
