I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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