those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
