Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
