I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
