Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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