I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
