Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
