i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
