Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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