i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
