Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
