The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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