Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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