Midget sex pt 2 tonight
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Randomize
