If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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