I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
