idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
