This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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