I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
