I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
