I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
