Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
foreskin is a definite game changer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
how does that bad decision feel?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
