So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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