I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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