Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
