i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
