I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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