Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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