grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
