Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
