Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
