Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
