Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
