The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
