somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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