her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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