you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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