ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
